Bliss Counselling | #TipsFromTheCouch
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04 Apr

Why You’re Too Tired For Sex & How To Get Your Groove Back

If your pillows could talk. Not tonight. Ugh, I’m soooo tired. Just let me sleep. You’re just too tired for sex, and honestly, it’s the furthest thing from your mind and while feeling guilty is hard enough, you wish you had enough energy to have sex. Even just thinking about sex makes you tired. Ask yourself these questions:
  1. How’s your diet? Is it mainly made up of unprocessed, healthy, and whole foods?
  2. Are you hydrated? Are you drinking at least eight glasses of water a day? Do you consume a lot of alcohol or caffeine?
  3. Do you move your body a few times a week?
  4. How’s your sleep? Are you getting enough, and are you sleeping through the night?
  5. Are you stressed? Do you have a way to handle your stress?
  6. Do you have time to yourself? Do you have a self-care routine?
  If you shook your head "no" to most of these, it could be that you really are too tired for sex. Sex is a reflection of your overall health and the more you can look after yourself with healthy habits you’ll be more likely to enjoy your life, and thrive, in and out of bed. Own your wanting Now, before you start thinking, “I don’t have time for desire! I have a job to do, a family to look after, stuff to do,” Care taking can be a desire killer, so it’s important to take care of yourself first. Desire has an element of selfishness to it, and to reach orgasm, you have to pause the thinking about everyone else and think about yourself. Know that desire is owning your wanting. If you desire something, it means you want it. First, you need to know what you want; then you need to be willing to get it. Desire is really a necessary expression of freedom. Let’s get your groove back! Here are some simple ways to look after yourself so you can look after your intimate needs too.
  1. Eat with your energy in mind.
Cut back on or cut out processed food, dairy, and sugar (that includes alcohol too!) Fill up on plenty of water and caffeine-free teas and start eating better-for-you fats like avocado or coconut oil. Within a few days, you’ll feel an energy boost, feel lighter, and your digestion could improve too. All of these factors play into feeling groovy between the sheets.
  1. Move it, move it!
When you engage in exercise, you’ll build up your sexual vitality and help release orgasmic feel-great chemicals—serotonin, dopamine, and testosterone, which in turn, revs up your sex drive, gives you more energy and makes you feel happier in your day-to-day life. It can be hard to find the time in the daily hustle for working out. Even if you don’t go to the gym or participate in a fitness class, simply start making some small changes. You can park far away from the door at work, do some squats or pushups while waiting for your tea to brew, or have a dance party in your kitchen after dinner. Once you start noticing the benefits of moving your body, you’ll want more. If you can make time for a workout at least three times a week, your energy, your body, and your mind will thank you. In general, find a movement practice that feels good for you, because the exercise you enjoy will feel the best for your body and mind and will be more likely to actually happen!
  1. Find some zzz’s.
I know, easier said than done, right? There could be any number of things affecting your sleep. If you have trouble going to bed at a decent hour, consider trying to set a bedtime alarm 30 to 60 minutes before you plan to be in bed. Then, over the next hour, find a bedtime routine that relaxes both your body and mind. Turn the screens off, dim the lights, maybe even light a candle or have a shower and read a few pages of a book. Avoiding stimulants and caffeine after about 2 pm will also help calm your mind so you can get the sleep you need. Also, consider blackout shades or wearing a sleep mask to block out any light from electronics or an early sunrise. When you make sleep a priority, you’ll also be more apt to stick to your better eating and movement habits as well. It has a huge ripple effect on all of our activities, sex being one of them!
  1. Be nice to yourself.
If you’re constantly thinking to yourself, “I’m fat and ugly, who would want me?”—It’s going to be hard to turn yourself on and feel turned on. I often ask my clients, “Would you want to make love to yourself?” Because if you don’t, why would you welcome somebody else to? You aren’t going to value the person that wants you if you don’t feel radiant. It’s not about thinking you’re drop-dead gorgeous in a conventional sense, but, about giving yourself permission to feel good.
  1. Get your om on.
In other words, a meditation or mindfulness practice, which is all about diving into pleasure, being present in your body and the moment and slowing down. There’s no need to jump in and force yourself to sit on a meditation pillow for an hour though. Simply begin with just a few quiet moments throughout your day. When your alarm sounds in the morning pause for three deep breaths before you pull yourself out of bed, close your eyes for five minutes when you get into your car in the morning, take your time making dinner and just notice how food feels, smells and tastes. The more you can tune into these little pleasures throughout the day the more you’ll be able to enjoy sex. Your mindfulness practice can be as easy as sitting outside during lunch and noticing the sun or the breeze on your face, listen to the sounds of the trees moving and truly take the time to notice how those sensations feel. All of these practices are a form of self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so looking after your needs first will support your needs so you can show up fully in all areas of your life, including sex. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “tips from the couch” here.
31 Mar

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it….

Often when I have clients come in to discuss topics related to their couple relationships, family relationships or friendships, what I hear is:  “I can’t tell them because I may hurt their feelings.” Well, one thing we know as therapists is that this exact type of thinking is what frequently keeps people stuck in unhealthy relationships or prevents connection.  When we withhold what we are thinking to ‘protect’ someone, we don’t allow opportunity for connection or growth. We stagnate, we build...

29 Mar

Study, Study, Study. The Student Life.

It’s almost April and for those in college or university, that means exams are just around the corner. Bliss Therapist, Jenna Luelo, just completed a course and re-experienced the exam season pressure herself. And so, Jenna has some tips and tricks to help you make it through another semester, you're welcome! Study, Study, Study. The Student Life. I know what you’re thinking, more study tips?? “Jenna, what are you going to tell me, that I don’t already know?” Well, if you feel...

26 Mar

14 Common Misconceptions About Divorce and How That Affects Your Relationship

Misconceptions About Divorce Hurt Relationships One doesn’t have to make it very far into their twenties to experience a friend going through a divorce. Thanks to multiple media sources, from daytime television to Facebook, even people who haven’t lived through divorce think they know what divorce is like. However, these presumptions may impact how you treat your friend during their time of need, and can cause very real hurt, frustration, even anger. Common Misconceptions About Divorce Divorcing people only feel anger and bitterness...

21 Mar

Talking To Your Kids About Sex and Sexuality

For a lot of parents talking to their kids about sex and sexuality is the very definition of awkward. Fortunately, however, there is a way to approach the subject matter with a minimum amount of discomfiture. More importantly, there is significant value for kids when parents ensure these conversations are ongoing. Clear and consistent messages about their bodies, desires and functions set kids up to feel positive about their own bodies from the get-go, and, as they grow and mature,...

19 Mar

Get Into Ginger

OK. OK. I’ve already lost some of you with the word ‘ginger’ — I know. I find ginger to be a lot like cilantro, either you love it or you really, really hate it. But I’m here to tell you that you should LOVE it, and IT will love you back! Ginger has been used in ancient Chinese and Ayurvedic medicines for over 4,000 years to cure and treat a variety of conditions. Gingerol - the active oils found in ginger...

14 Mar

5 Energy Boosting Moves To Do Every Morning

Waking up early in the morning and getting your workout on may feel like a hard chore. These workouts can boost your mental and physical energy as well as promote a healthy frame of mind for the entire day. Waking up to morning workouts will help kick-start your metabolism, allowing you to burn tons of calories hours after your workout. Here are five energy boosting moves you should do every morning: Jumping Jacks Jumping jacks are a classic full-body, calorie-burning exercise. 10 minutes...

12 Mar

Doing the Work Beforehand

Most Marriage & Family Therapists (MFTs) and psychotherapists who deal with couples’ counselling often come aboard once there’s a problem within the relationship that requires addressing. Couples heading into commitments and marriages will more often seek premarital counselling from their chosen officiants or more familiar spiritual caregivers, but MFTS are increasingly privileged to have the chance to work with clients embarking on these kinds of commitment processes. It’s a great deal of fun, most of the time, to sit with...

08 Mar


She Means Business - An Interview with Certified Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold Today we’re using the hashtag #shemeansbusiness to shine a light on inspiring women and women-run businesses in celebration of International Women's Day. This interview with Kelly McDonnell-Arnold was a special treat. While her professional bio is certainly impressive, she makes us want to do better in our own lives and in our work. She could be the poster lady for #SheMeansBusiness. Let’s dive in! Tell us, why do you...

05 Mar

Self-Esteem and Challenging the Negative Narrative of “Me”

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, self-esteem is the value we place on how we feel about ourselves, both inside and out. Self-esteem involves understanding our strengths and weaknesses, accepting them, and doing the best we can with that we have. In this piece, Chad Bouma, a Clinical Social Worker and Therapist in the Waterloo region, shares his personal and professional experience on self-esteem. Think to your own life. Did you (or do you still) look towards others for affirmation and validation that your choices (career,...