27 Jul Boardroom To Bedroom: C-level Advice For A Thriving Sex Life
You can have it all. Including (and especially) between the sheets. We believe everyone deserves a great, passionate, loving, caring connection with their partners.
As a society, we’re failing at this.
We’ve spent thousands of hours working with people just like you who sit on our therapist couches and say they want to want sex again. And they want good sex.
What’s going on behind the bedroom doors is just as important as what’s going on in the boardroom—same goes for being a good parent or friend, professional development, and your overall health.
If you’re a professional or are running a thriving business, you know that to be successful at any level; you need to have a plan, a vision and a goal. You researched your industry; you see the ladder and know what you need to do to climb to the top. You focus on what’s working well, what isn’t, and what needs to be improved and changed immediately. Climbing the ladder in business is often known to be hard, fast, and relentless.
Does that remind you of anything else? AHEM. Like maybe your intimate relationships?
Are you aware of the following in your personal partnership?
- What could go wrong?
- What you need to work on?
- When to regularly check in?
- What your partner really wants and needs?
- What about your own satisfaction?
- What do you need to do to innovate?
Your life plan needs another pillar—and that pillar is a robust sex life.
Can you combine your business intelligence with your emotional intelligence and apply it to your love life?
Here are some ideas to consider as you make your way to C-level executive sex:
What problem are you solving?
The secret to a successful business idea is finding a problem and a solution that people want to buy. As a sexologist, I see this concern often—partners don’t always know what’s causing the problem in their sex life. They wonder, “Where did the desire go? The passion? How can we find a solution?” Often, people want sex with someone who’s fun, connected, erotic, playful. Romance, anticipation, flirting, and seduction are essential ingredients to a thriving sex life.
How can we craft a sex life that’s satisfying, fun, and pleasurable for BOTH (or more) of you?
When it comes to desire, let’s look to one of the world’s experts. Esther Perel (author of Mating in Captivity and State of Affairs). She says that we have to own the wanting. Partners tend to put the responsibility on each other, but we need to start identifying how we awaken our own desires and understand how we turn ourselves on and off. It can be as simple as exploring two questions: (1) What turns you on? (2) What turns you off?
As important as knowing what turns you on, you also need to know what turns you off. For instance, how can you be in the mood if you’re telling yourself you’re flabby? Being self-critical? Or you may feel that you’re just too darn busy—emails 24/7, sleep deprived, and overeating. You’re not alone—we all fall into the busy trap from time to time. Our sexual appetites fluctuate; work, stress, kids, illness, aging parents, and life can all get in the way.
Your sexual mission and vision
Once you understand your sexual motivations and roadblocks, it’s time to create your vision for your intimate life. Great entrepreneurs are known for their hustle, perseverance, and dedication. What does that mean for your sex life? You’re a professional, and you’re always looking for new areas of growth. Can the business expand? Is it time to restructure? What new market can we explore? How do we grow our revenue stream?
Ask the same questions about your sex life and your relationship. Consider where you can grow and where you could use some new experiences. Stay open to restructuring and developing a new routine. What may have started out as hot sex could start to feel tiresome over time. Remaining curious, exploring each other, and redefining your relationship is a sure way to heat up the bedroom.
The average person will have two to three committed relationships throughout their lifetime. Some will do it with the same person and some will find new partners. Over time, we redefine ourselves and restructure our businesses, and the same is true of our relationships and sex lives. What works in our 20s looks different than what works in our 50s. Restructuring needs to take place pre and post kids, with a new career, a life transition, or death.
Relationship strategy session
You have an opportunity to rewrite your story and be a better partner. Every so often, sit down and discuss the strengths of your relationship. Perhaps at an annual summit or monthly huddle to discuss your sex life with your partner. This is a fantastic way to prioritize the intimate relationship in your life. You can ask:
- Where are we at?
- How are we doing?
- What has been good in our lives?
- Are we meeting essential needs?
- What’s changing in our lives?
Most often, couples wait until a crisis arises before they discuss big topics, but this type of pressurized situation doesn’t always lend itself to the best discussions or solutions. While it’s true that there’s less incentive to change when no tangible “problem” has emerged, there’s also more creative energy. It’s about being proactive.
Relationship revenue growth
Yes, there are always the big ticket items, but sometimes the small ones add up to BIG growth.
Understanding that our sexuality will ebb and flow is essential. Face it, every time you make love, it isn’t going to be all fireworks and earthquakes. (Sorry!)
Maintenance sex is key. This is semi-regular, planned sex that keeps the wheels greased and the spark alive. The key here is to make it work for both of you. Think of it like going to the gym. You’re tired after a long day of work and the last thing you want to do is lace up your sneakers and walk through those doors. But once you get started, the blood starts flowing, you break a sweat, and your brain releases endorphins. You walk out of there feeling like a champ every time.
You have a shared vision, mission, and values
Your shared values about things like money, emotional expressiveness, and power can be the glue that holds your relationship together. You can have a beautiful love story with someone that you only have strong feelings for, and it takes more to create a world with someone. Consider if you spent 20% more time on your relationship instead of your career. We think nothing of spending more time on professional development or personal trainers, going to conferences. Both cost time and money, yet we expect our relationships to thrive with very little of that attention and effort.
The value of your relationships quantifies the value of your life—Great sex has limitless value.
Your life partner is the person you’ve committed to growing and creating a life with. You’ve built a successful business using your skills and talents—now, let’s use those skills on the most important pillar, your love life.
Whether we’re talking about role play, sharing an erotic fantasy, or steaming up the bedroom with a new sex toy, being courageous and taking risks is the key to taking your relationship from employee to C-level executive!
Written by Bliss sexologist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here.
If you enjoyed this article, you might like these too:
- 12 Reasons It Might Be A Good Idea To See A Therapist
- Why You’re Too Tired For Sex & How To Get Your Groove Back
- 14 Common Misconceptions About Divorce And How That Affects Your Relationship
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