20 May Sex Therapy Virgin? What To Expect
When you decide to go to sex therapy, you could be feeling a little nervous about what to expect. This is totally normal! Visiting a therapist can bring up all kinds of fears and questions about the unknown.
Many people toy around with the idea of therapy a bunch of times before they pick up the phone and schedule an appointment. Even if you have an appointment on the books already, you might be considering cancelling. The thought of sharing intimate details with a stranger can be a little overwhelming.
We totally understand! Our sex therapists see first-time clients all the time.
Before jumping into what you can expect, first know what it’s like for your therapist to see someone for the first time. Here’s what happens for many sex therapists:
- We’re excited. It takes courage to decide that it’s time to do things differently or move past challenges.
- We’re hopeful for you. By deciding to come to therapy, you’re actively engaging in your personal growth. You might feel nervous walking into the room, but we see your potential right from the first session.
- We know you’re nervous. And it’s totally okay! We may even bring it up to help you feel comfortable. We’ll tread safely at a pace that works for you.
- This is a no judgment zone. You could have ended up at any therapist in the Kitchener-Waterloo area, but you’re here with us and we’re honoured to be part of your story. We’re not judging whatever it is that brought you to therapy—no matter how you feel about it.
We hope that by sharing how it feels on the other side, you’ll relax into the idea of sex therapy too.
What sex therapy is not:
- There’s absolutely no physical contact or nudity
- We don’t use any practices involving judgment or shame
- This is a no-pressure, safe place where we won’t suggest you do anything that will make you uncomfortable
Here’s exactly what you can expect from your first sex therapy session:
- So, what is it, exactly?
Sex therapists treat relationship constellations of all kinds, couples, and individuals and tackle every sex-related concern you can think of (and some you could never even dream up!) from erectile dysfunction and painful intercourse to low desire, lagging libidos and questions about fetishism, open relationships or gender identity.
- Deciding if you’ve found the right sex therapist for you
Sex therapists aren’t one-size-fits-all, so it’s important for you to feel like you’ve found a good match with your therapist. You can get a better sense of our sex therapists by exploring our team here. We are all compassionate, warm, and professional, and we all have our own unique personalities.
- We’ll talk, but you’ll get so much more
We don’t just talk about what’s going on; you’ll also get homework assignments and simple action steps to complement what you discover on the couch. We’re here to offer specific guidance, exercises, and techniques.
- Your first session
You’ll complete a confidentiality form before your first appointment. During your first office visit, we’ll welcome you with a smile! Then you might have to complete another form depending on your goals. You will answer questions about the sexual challenges you’re currently having and how they’re affecting your life. We’ll review your answers, which will assist us in tailoring your therapy sessions to meet your goals.
- We’ll take the lead
We like to start this way because it can help take the pressure off you to figure out what to say as you’re getting used to therapy. We know that your first session can feel a little intimidating, so we aim to make it as easy as possible for you! We’ll ask you some standard intake questions, share feedback from your answers to the questionnaire, and talk about ways you can start making improvements. We’ll also dive into your goals for moving forward, and what actions to take next.
After your intake sessions, we’ll get to work. It’s common to walk away from your first few sessions with homework and oodles of ideas and exercises customized for your goals. These could be something as easy as writing in a journal in the evening or trying out a particular masturbation technique.
- What happens next?
Depending on your goals, you might only need a few therapy sessions. However, if you choose to go deeper with your exploration and commit to regular therapy sessions, we’ll take a more in-depth look at your relational and attachment dynamics, developmental and unconscious content, and therapeutic goals. More complex issues may lead to months of therapy, while others can be resolved in a few short sessions. It usually depends on the root of the issue, whether it’s biological (like erectile dysfunction caused by medication), behavioural (if lack of sleep is leading to a lagging libido) or psychological (when things like stress or anxiety interfere with intimacy and the relationship in general).
If the issue is having a negative impact on the relationship as a whole, it may be helpful for couples to see a therapist together to help them navigate the situation. Often it involves managing expectations around sex and learning to communicate better. After your intake sessions, we’ll establish a therapeutic plan or framework and discuss your homework and what worked and what did not from the actions you took. We’ll tweak and make adjustments to the exercises to make sure they’re a good fit and maybe even give you some new ones. We want to help you feel confident that you’re headed in the right direction towards lasting change.
We’re thrilled that you’ve found your way to this article and are ready to start thinking about improving your sex life and can’t wait to help you on your journey.
By: Bliss Sexologist, Kelly. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “tips from the couch” here.