19 Oct Your Sex Life: What’s normal?
We’re inundated with rules every day, and in almost all areas of our lives. But when it comes to the rules of sex, there’s only one:
There’s no such thing as “normal” sex.
That’s right. It’s a complete myth.
Perhaps you may be wondering:
- Is our sex life normal?
- These fantasies I keep thinking about—are they common?
- Is wanting sex this infrequently or frequently natural?
- Are all these ups and downs in my desire okay?
- Is it normal to have to schedule sex?
The answers, in case you’re wondering, are—yes, normal, natural, and you’re perfect.
If you have a health concern, of course, we recommend speaking with your primary care physician. With any medical concerns aside, there’s no normal when it comes to sex, and that’s wonderful news! That is, as long as all parties are able to consent and it doesn’t involve animals.
Sex is a key part of our adult lives, and still, it can be a taboo topic in many social circles. As a result of putting sex-talk to the bottom of our lists, we don’t talk about it nearly enough.
We need to be talking about sex more.
Without conversations about sex, it can often lead to assumptions that leave us judging our sexual activity. It’s common to worry if you’re having enough sex, or too much, or if what you’re doing between the sheets is natural.
These assumptions can also lead us into the comparison trap. We assume our friends are doing it more or less than you and your partner(s) are, and that can leave us feeling less than awesome and swirling in a pity party.
Know this: whatever you’re doing in your intimate life, it’s healthy and natural.
And millions of other people are doing the same.
Getting intimate and having sex regularly is healthy, and a big sexual appetite is a sign of high energy, vitality, and sound hormone function. And, if you do discover that you’re having more or less sex than your neighbors, that’s perfectly okay. You get to decide what “normal” sex means to you and your partner(s). Whether you have sex 3 times a day or 3 times a year—it’s perfect if that’s what works for you.
The most significant sex challenge we see in our practice within intimate relationships, is when one person wants sex more than the other(s). If there’s a desire discrepancy in your relationship, there are practical ways you can ask for the sex you want.
This is also completely natural for our libidos to be more intense during certain phases of our lives, and it will ebb and flow throughout our relationships.
Our advice to clients usually starts with clear and compassionate communication. The more you can open up and share your sensual wants and needs in your relationship, the deeper your connection and the stronger your bond will become.
Keeping the conversation going about your sex life can help you create a deeper connection with your partner(s), and help you to feel confident in your sensual desires.
Written by Bliss sexologist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here.
If you liked this article you might enjoy these too:
- 12 Reasons it Might be a Good Idea to See a Therapist
- Couples Therapy for Preventative Maintenance? Why it Works
- How to Ask for the Sex you Want in 8 Completely Practical Tips
Do you have any questions for us? Or do you have questions about your sex life? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here.
If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.